Once upon a time there was a Mumma of two girls. Now, this Mumma and her family had recently moved 5 hours from family and friends so her husband could work. She wasn’t afraid of change and was excited but apprehensive about the new city.

As keen as ever to ‘get on’ she explored the local area and enrolled her daughter into nursery. She was keen to make a good impression so she did her daughters hair beautifully and put on her trendiest clothes. After a few weeks of eyeing up potential mum friends, she plucked up the courage to chat to a ‘cool’ mum. This went down OK. A few weeks went by with general chit chat in the playground. Mumma’s confidence grew, she branched out, she boldly asked for Cool Mum’s number. Who knew she would feel like she was trying to date said mum. She needn’t have worried , Cool Mum accepted the request and numbers were swapped. Mumma felt good, Mumma had made a friend, an actual cool mum friend.

A few days passed and no message had been sent or received. A Facebook stalk had however been undertaken. Mumma, feeling shy was reluctant to make the first move, however she realised she had nothing to lose. She drafted a message, then redrafted so that she sounded cool but not needy. A simple “Hey, fancy a play date sometime this week?”. Mumma waited with baited breath for a reply, she felt a strange excited anxiety. She told herself to stop being ridiculous but couldn’t help herself from checking her phone more often than she’d like to admit. Finally, the joyful ‘ping’ was heard. A play date was on, Cool Mum was going to make lunch. It didn’t matter to Mumma that it was on a day she didn’t have the car, she would walk. In the rain. Up hill. With buggy and buggy board. 2.5 miles, to cement this new friendship. And that is exactly what she did.

Mumma quite enjoyed the walk although wished she’d opted for the practical waterproof coat rather than the trendy soaked piss-wet through option. Mumma and her gang arrived at the house which was impressive in every way. Even the front door was nice. Mumma knocked on the door having given her children a best behaviour pep talk. The door opened and there she was, Mumma did her best ‘Hiya, this piss-wet through look is totally fine. Just got caught in a downpour, no big deal’ face. Cool Mum returned this look with pure confusion. There was no other exchange of words for what seemed like forever! The look on Cool Mum’s face turned from confused to utter horror. Cool Mum questionably opted for brutal honesty in the awkward door step situation. This. “Oh my god!!! It’s you! I was expecting my other friend . Shit.” I seemed ‘other friend’ had same name as Mumma. Now how the fuck do you respond to that!? Mumma stood slightly fidgety on the door step thinking to herself “Have I really just walked ALL THIS FUCKING WAY!? Play it cool”

Mumma replied with “Oh, ha ha! Easy mistake not to worry” and turned to leave.

At this point Cool Mum must’ve felt the awkward pain radiating from Mumma for she stepped in with “I’ve made lunch, would you like some?”. Mumma was torn between walking a ‘walk of shame’ home or sucking it up and trying to make the most of the hideously awkward situation. She went in. They had tea. Cool Mum had obviously prepared home made vegetable and lentil soup for ‘other friend’. Mumma’s children turned their noses up at the soup and complained about the seedy bread whilst Cool Children sat and ate beautifully at the table. Mumma couldn’t help but feel she was eating someone else’s food.

Mumma awkwardly tried to judge how quick could she leave whilst not seeming rude. She left. She walked the walk of shame home (via the bakery for a sausage roll for her non organic children).

FAIL! Fortunately Mumma can see the funny side to this story. She still gets messages from her actual friends lolling at her.



One Messy Mama